Nope, that title’s not a euphemism. I’m reposting my response to a question on the Etsy forums, from another member who asked why the holes in ceramic beads are relatively large in comparison to other beads:

Generally speaking, the holes in glazed ceramic beads have to be a certain size because the only way to glaze the entire outside of the beads is to string them on short lengths of high-temperature wire, which is a standard thickness. Thinner wire would sag and ruin the beads in the kiln.

I recommend stringing ceramic beads on beading wire instead of thread/floss. You could also try putting a dab of epoxy glue inside the hole of the bead when using thinner stringing materials, which should hold it just as well as knotting would.

The heads on headpins are often too small for the bead hole. The best solution I’ve found is what I did with these earrings: Below the bead that’s too big for the headpin, place another bead that is small enough to stay on the pin, but larger than the hole in the bead above it. If the small bead is the same color/metal as the pin, it might even look like you’re using a fancy ball-head pin!

MsAnomaly also suggests:
“If the holes are too big on a bead, I ‘stuff’ it! What I mean is: insert a thin bugle bead or even some very small round beads inside the large hole. It keeps the large-hole bead nice and straight on the line, and prevents it from ‘wobbling’ and looking off-center. Since the small beads are inside the hole, you can’t even tell they are there!”

I still haven’t done my first ceramic firing. Some things weren’t dry enough today, and without them I don’t feel I have a full enough load. I don’t really like the three pinch pots I made yesterday, now that they’re dry, but they’ll still be good to put beads in or something later on. I also made some larger cylindrical beads, which look quite nice. I had tried to make some bead molds but discovered I made them wrong–apparently I have to coat the beads with vegetable oil to keep them from sticking to the clay as it dries around them. Oh well.

Today I made some tiles to use for testing. I used a method I really wouldn’t recommend–I was just trying it out. I took a wooden picture frame and pressed clay into it until it was tile-shaped, using the flat bottom of a glass to smush it in and a piece of plastic to scrap it flat.

Actually, the method itself wasn’t the problem–that worked quite well. The problem was that the frame had a bevel on the inside, the outside edge of the clay had to be trimmed. I also trimmed that rectangle into three smaller rectangles, since the frame was rather big–apparently, according to the internet, I should have waited until the clay was leather-hard to do this. They seem to have turned out okay thusfar, but it remains to be seen how badly they may warp or crack.

I also spent about 8 hours yesterday filling orders of decanted perfume, a side-hobby of mine, and getting Etsy orders ready to mail. I think I have something like 35 envelopes to mail in the next two days. Yikes.

Following up on the last entry, sometimes, the internet is exactly the wealth of resources and information that it should be.

See, everybody needs references. And today, I needed a refresher on some very basic stuff. One quick search, and I find a photo tutorial on how to make a pinch pot, which is what I need, because I’m making glaze test pots instead of tiles.

Speaking of glazes, I found those online too–well, specifically, I got a few bags of dry glazes for $1 each, courtesy of SCRAP, which I originally found online and have been visiting regularly ever since.

And I needed to know things about ceramic beads, and sure enough, I found out the best way to glaze them and the best way to load them in a kiln.

I found all sorts of little pointers here, too. I like having my own ideas confirmed by more experienced people.

The internet is great for coming to your own consensus. It won’t always give you a straight answer, but it will often help you get your answers straight.

I’ve discovered that virtually all of the information available on the internet on the subject of ceramics and kilns is written by/for either someone working on a group studio, or someone working from a house.

I work from neither a house nor a group studio. I work from a two-bedroom apartment that I share with two other people. I have a yard, but I share it with approximately 15 other tenants. I wish there were more info out there for someone with the limited space and use requirements that I have, but there really doesn’t seem to be.

What the Internet Did and Didn’t Tell Me About Working With Ceramics:

1. Rehydrating Clay.
I found lots of different methods of how to do this. Most of them involved smashing the dried clay with a hammer prior to hydrating, and/or drying it in thin layers on big plastic racks after it had been hydrated. The first seemed too messy and I didn’t have the equipment/supplies for the second. I ended up just putting a whole block of clay in a bucket full of water, covering it, leaving it in the sun, and mushing it up with my hands after a few days. This worked pretty well, but would have worked better if I’d used less water and left it alone longer.

Of course that also would have been a lot easier if my back yard included something everyone else takes for granted: a hose, or a spigot, or some kind of running water. But, no, all the water I needed had to be lugged down three flights of rickety old stairs.

Following another internet suggestion, I next tried drying the muddy stuff by putting it in a pillowcase and hanging it to drip-dry. After three days in the sun, this only resulted in one ruined pillowcase. I then moved the clay back into the bucket and left it in the sun for a few more days. This once again worked well, and would have worked better if I’d had the time to leave it there a few days more.

But by then I just really wanted my clay. I brought it upstairs and spread it in thin layers on some upholstery fabric samples I had laying around. I left some of these out for about a day and it turned out perfect, but I really wanted some of that clay that night.

So following more internet directions, I took the least-wet clay I had and formed it into a bunch of small, clumsy little coils. I made the coils into small arches on a baking pan, and baked them for 5-10 minutes at 250 degrees in my oven.

With most of them, this made very workable clay, but it was a lot of effort for a very small amount of clay. I really do not recommend getting that impatient. With the rest, the clay got too dry–which was okay, I just stuck it in a bowl with water and it was rehydrated the next day.

2. Kilns

My dad offered to buy me a kiln. I wanted a medium-sized one, but had to settle for the smallest high-fire one I could find, due to space issues. My boyfriend had to haul it up the stairs for me.

I got it installed okay, but my one roommate has had all these questions: about the noise level, about fumes, about smells, about heat. Many of them are valid but I don’t necessarily know how to answer her. Before my old roommate moved out, I worried about him getting drunk and stumbling into the kiln on his way out to have a smoke, getting second-degree burns along the way.

I have the kiln in a very well-ventilated room, that’s sealed off from the rest of the house, and the kiln isn’t very big…but I haven’t yet been able to get a clear verdict on whether or not I also have to use the vent system it came with. I have the vent set up, and I can use it, but…it’s loud. And the kiln room is right next to the kitchen. And I don’t want to drive anyone, including myself, crazy. And the ventilation ducting, by necessity, must rest on potentially flammable materials, and I can’t figure out if it gets too hot for that to be safe.

The internet appears to have failed me on this one.